Oh Canada

Now, you might be thinking that I'm praising our neighbor to the north in my headline because they have universal healthcare, or maybe I'm just mentioning the country because tonight features the Bruins looking to complete a historical upset of the Canadians. Well, those would both be good guesses. But I'm really screaming — in print — "Oh Canada!" because of "These Girls," my new favorite movie of all time.

I was at Jack's Bar and Grill last night with friends Jay Kubeck and Brandon Kinne when the Celtics game ended. Then the Mets game ended, and we were left with no sporting events to watch on the big screen. So we flipped the channel over and watched about 15 minutes of an infomercial about the Tobi, the most revolutionary product I've ever fathomed in my life. But that got boring, thank god, and we hit the jackpot.

Keep in mind we were watching the television with only captions, as bad pop music was blaring from the jukebox even at midnight. But on ABC, a little Canadian movie starring David Boreanaz was on. We weren't sure whether "These Girls" was supposed to be funny or not, but basically it's about three young girls (that's them above) who want to have sex, so they blackmail the "hunky" dude (Boreanaz) who lives in their "village" because he's married and has a kid and has already had sex with one of them, and, of course, he grows pot in the backyard. It's about the most perfect plot ever.

The three girls always dress like little kids and ride around on bikes with baskets. They say the funniest lines. Boreanaz attacks his role like Brando would have, and was clearly snubbed an award a couple years back. He's amazing. It makes me want to watch "Bones." And now I know how Caroline Dhavernas earned her role in that odd show where she talked to Jesus through menagerie toys.

Look, you need to go buy this movie. Just do it. I can't vouch for it being as good as I make it sound if you actually watch it with the sound on, but I can tell you that the three of us were literally crying with laughter, and when the bartender shut it off with 20 minutes to go at 1:15 a.m., we ran — literally ran — next door to Jay's house to finish it.

That's it on this end ... for now! I am attending a press luncheon for Arts & Ideas this afternoon, so I'll get back to you guys in a few hours with my first impressions of the lineup. Talk then. But until then, enjoy this:

Monday Madness

Little Ashlee is all grown up. If reports are true, it looks like the younger, more plastically enhanced Simpson is all pregnant and stuff. She's going to have a little fall out boy (or girl). I'm sorry. I just couldn't not make that joke.

In other news, both Joe and I came up with some pretty good videos this week. You can take a look at mine here, and Joe's here. I'd like to thank Craig Gilbert, er, Lou Diamond Phillips for helping me out this week.

I'm looking forward to "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." Here's a profile on Jason Segal, the film's star and writer.

When I went to my mailbox Friday, the new Entertainment Weekly featured Tina Fey on the cover. I'm sorry, but I just don't get what all the fuss is about Fey. First of all, folks think she's hot, which amazes me. She's good looking, I guess, but hot? Nope. And then what has she done that's worth all this hype? She wrote "Mean Girls"!. My god, that movie is incredibly mediocre. Oh, and "30 Rock"? Would we even consider this show funny if it weren't for the sad state of sitcoms these days? It's a decent show. That's it, OK. And "SNL," well, she was a writer during one of the series' worst periods. So what gives?

Just got an advanced copy of East Haven's own Mates of State's new record in the mail. I'm really liking it so far. It has a boatload more instrumentation, but still focuses on the what the husband-and-wife duo do best. Look for the band at Toad's Place May 16. I'm also sure you'll be seeing a cover story in Weekend on that day. Yep.

Howard Stern lost a staffer last week. Does anyone really care about this? I sure don't.

I don't know what to say about this except, I guess, ew. I would have hoped that Natalie Portman had better taste in music. I guess not.

And with that, I'll leave you guys with the funniest article I've read in ages. Read on.

More Later, But ...

I honestly can't believe this exists. Counselors?

Cafe Nine Tonight

Over the next two weeks, there are going to be plenty of really great shows over at Cafe Nine, but I think I might be looking forward to Kelley Stoltz more than anything. The singer/songwriter performs at the State Street venue tonight, so make sure to head over.

Stoltz is a Sub Pop artist, which you know is a good thing. He makes garagey rock that's full of poppy surprises. I like him a lot. OK?

In other news, it's Tuesday, which means we are one day closer to Lou Diamond Phillips calling New Haven home for a few days. Let's all camp out at the Omni, where he's probably staying, until we catch a glimpse. I want to catch a glimpse!

If This Guy's Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right

From my little brother, Little Nicholas, who found this on an NBC affliate site:

An Ohio man is charged with four counts of public indecency after he admitted to having sex with his patio picnic table.

Authorities in Huron County, Ohio say 40-year-old Art Price Junior confessed to repeatedly having sex with the table between January and March of this year.

Police in Bellevue, Ohio were tipped off, after someone anonymously taped one of the incidents then gave the recording to police. According to police, Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table both inside and outside his home.

He is free on a $20,000 bond.

Free Coffee!

FROM THE WIRE:

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - In a bid to reinvigorate lackluster U.S. traffic, Starbucks Corp will introduce a new, everyday brew called Pike Place Roast on Tuesday and for 30 minutes will hand out free 8-ounce (240 ml) samples.

Free cups of the new coffee, which the company said has a smoother flavor and finish, will be available starting at 9 a.m. on the West Coast and noon on the East Coast at all its roughly 7,100 company-operated U.S. stores.

"It is the best coffee that we have created, maybe, in our history," Chief Executive Howard Schultz said on a call with reporters on Monday.

Happy Monday

And to celebrate the first day of the work week, I give you this present, from my heart to yours. Enjoy, friends.

Sunday's Somethings

With the Red Sox locked in a scoreless game, I felt the need to hop on the ol' blog here and agree with all those critics who panned "21." Please, fine readers, do not go see this flick. Normally, when a movie gets such mediocre-to-bad reviews, I just avoid it, but I really enjoyed "Bringing Down The House," the book "21" is based on. Well, the film felt like it was three hours long, and had more montages than an Oscars ceremony. It was awful.

And you know what else bothered me? One of the facts that the movie needs you to accept is that Kate Bosworth is good-looking. This is just not the case. Even with the help of personal assistants, make-up artists, fashion designers and all those other folks working on a movie, she still isn't even really attractive, much less hot. This is the kind of thing that bothers me when you're watching a crappy movie. I just couldn't get past it. That's her and co-star Jim Sturgess above.

So, again, avoid this movie and just buy the book. It's a good read.

Since I'm complaining, let me touch on something else. If you've been watching Red Sox or Yankees games this week, you've definitely seen the damn "magic rings" tire commercial that runs for what seems like 47 minutes. It's awful. Please stop it. Does anyone actually see tire commercials and then actually buy those tires? I mean, don't we as people either buy the tires that the manufacturer puts on our ride, or purchase the cheapest ones possible? Isn't that how things go?

Last night, I enjoyed a Lucky Kat IPA that the fine folks over at Magic Hat had sent me. I was really pleasantly surprised. It was a nice, smooth and hoppy beer. That's what I dig.

Why is Katie Holmes' newest haircut news? Who gives a proverbial poop? I mean, she's another one that's lost way too much weight, found L. Ron, went nuts and is no longer attractive. Look at the photo, she looks 50, and she's like only a year older than me. Poor Katie. I just hope she's free of evil Thetans and well-versed in Xenu.

So Charlton Heston died late last night. As a younger person, I obviously don't remember most of the man's work, and really only have vivid memories of him as president of the NRA. It's kind of sad, kind of like it was sad seeing him have no idea what was going on when Michael Moore visited him.

Beyonce and Jay-Z are now married, I guess. Good for them. I hope they keep making good music.

Oh my god! There's a heir to the "Footloose" crown. I am so very excited. After sitting in Pooh corner for so long, it's finally happening.

And with that, I'm done. I'll be heading out to Wallingford to see Jackson Browne tonight, then over to BAR to catch Wolf Eyes. Maybe I'll see you.

Video Battle Continues

Joe Amarante's video.

My video.

You be the judge.

Thursday Tidbits

Well hello fine folks out there in cyberspace. This is your blogging reporter, Pat. I'm sitting in the Register newsroom, and I just finished sending Weekend up to the presses about an hour ago. I also just finished making my weekly video preview of Weekend. It'll be on the site tonight. Good times.

So I'm sorry I haven't blogged much this week. Between using all my brain power to come up with a great video, and recovering from my birthday, I've been a bit busy. Anyway, I'm here now, so let's talk about a couple things.

Tonight over at The Space, the very good De Novo Dahl, on the left there, will open for Jesse Malin. I'm a Malin fan, but I'm a huge De Novo Dahl backer. I'm really looking forward to seeing the group tonight. I've never seen them live. I hope to see you all there. Seriously, this should be a really good gig. We'll sip green tea and dance together. OK?

What else? I got a great press release yesterday. Here's an excerpt:

A new Pulitzer-nominated book,titled "Womb Child" is the fascinating story of a fetus named Israel and his nine-month journey "on the inside."The entire story is narrated by Israel-the fetus as he hears and reacts to everything "on the outside." Just intime for Mother's Day, this is a great story for anyone who has wondered what a fetus is really thinking. The book explores what would happen if an individual was never born and the great impact it would have on the entire world.

If you want to purchase this sure-to-be best-seller, go here. Oh, and just so you know, anything can be Pulitzer-nominated if you pay the entry fee. So, no, this self-published book will not be good. But, hey, the press release is too good not to write about. I think it's a prequel to "Look Who's Talking."

Naomi Campbell is in trouble again. Big surprise. This woman needs to lay off whatever drugs she's on. Seriously, if me or you got into this many skirmishes, we'd be in jail. Yep, in the slammer, or the pokey.

The Red Sox have started pretty well this season. It's made me happy. I'm smiling right now. If you could see me, you'd see my grin. I have a big grin. Did I mention I'm smiling?

The New 40-Year-Olds On The Block are reuniting. Oops, did I get that name right? I truly wonder if folks will care. We'll see.

If you were John Cusack, would you want this woman stalking you? Look, if you're going to stalk a celebrity, you should probably be good looking. Of course, you might not stalk then.

My friend, co-worker and video nemesis Joe Amarante (plus my buddy Jay) must be really happy: "Friday Night Lights" is coming back for a third season. And you know what, Joe's also really giddy about this.

I guess that's all I got today. Let's talk tomorrow, after we sip green tea and dance together.