As I sit here on campus at Southern, waiting for the perfect time to leave my desk and visit my classroom, I feel like there are some things we can talk about. I mean, it'd be kind of odd for me to just sit here in an otherwise empty room and talk to myself. What if someone walks by? They might not let me believe the children are our future or teach them well so they can lead the way anymore.
Anyway, there are few things I don't want to talk about. I have no interest in rehashing anything about Brittany Murphy. The way idiots fall for the whole "she wasn't on drugs" thing is ridiculous. I've seen very few people who looked worse than her. She was barely older than me and could have passed for 50, or a diseased 12-year-old. I also don't want to talk about "Avatar" anymore. It makes my heart bleed to think about it.
What else? I could give a poop about "American Idol." Sorry. Ellen seems like a wonderful lady, but I'd be more likely to watch her talk show. Does she still have a talk show?
There are some things to talk about though. I mean, Lil Wayne! Come on, the dude doesn't have to go to jail because he's got a chipped tooth or something. So Plaxico Burress shoots himself and goes to jail for a long-ass time, while Lil Wayne is running around with a semi-automatic in the same city, but only gets eight months. And he can delay it for dental surgery. Heck, the guy belongs in jail simply for forcing me to listen to "Rebirth." Every critic in America was the victim of a felony assault by the guy for that piece of poop. I think a class-action lawsuit is in order. Who's with me?
What else? Shouldn't we be giving anybody who punches Perez Hilton a medal, not suing them and making them settle a civil lawsuit? I mean, I don't condone violence or anything, but ...
Speaking of courts, can't we just say the heck with Charlie Sheen at this point? The guy can't act for the life of him. That TV show he does is only funny if you were born before 1950, and he's never made a good movie ... unless you count the "Major League" series, but I give him no credit for that. But, seriously, the guy is a walking danger to women, but people still love him. I don't get it.
You want some great news? Jeff Probst has signed on for two more years of "Survivor" and - yes, and! - the new season of all-stars starts Thursday. As most of you know, I just love "Survivor." I don't watch much TV, but, for some reason, the show is like crack to me. Now, I've never actually had crack, but I assume, from public-service announcements and "Intervention," that it leaves you naked, sweaty and shaking, always needing more. That's me after a season of "Survivor" ends.
Want the Bonnaroo lineup?
I hope to one day marry Joanna Newsom. Here's her new record's tracklist and purchasing information. That's her in the photo above.
That's all I've got for now. It's time to prepare to show the children all the beauty they possess inside.