A Happy Return To The Living

"Let's just talk about what I can do for you."

Those were the magic words whispered to me last week. No, I was not visiting a prostitute. I was actually on the phone with a lovely person with a Southern accent. She's an employee of Comcast. You see, last Friday I got my cable bill and it had gone up by almost double. This wasn't acceptable. I called Comcast.

I guess some promotion that I was enjoying (for the last three years?) ended. Before I phoned the cable company, I took a brief look at the DirecTV Web site to see prices. Before the lady said those words above into my ear, I said, "I don't understand why it's not in my best interest to just get satellite."

That's when she started to debate the merits of satellite vs. cable. After I rebutted one of her claims, she said, "I don't want to have this debate with you. Let's just talk about what I can do for you." Woo hoo.

What this meant was a major reduction in price for me, plus a long period of time with every single movie channel. I am having a hard time leaving my couch. I'm pissed off right now, wondering who Kevin Costner (that's him above!) voted for at the end of "Swing Vote." Why didn't they tell me? Damn them. I just saw a preview for "Paul Blart." On Sunday, I watched "Curb Your Enthusiasm" when it was actually on! I don't think I've done that since 2002 or something. Amazing.

Why am I sharing this little story? Well, someone once told me about doing this, which is why I called last Friday. With all the competition out there now, cable is not a monopoly. You have choices. You can haggle over prices. You can quote competitors' prices. It's OK. Go for it. There are now too many movies on-demand, at my fingertips. It's scary. I may call in sick next week.

I'm not going to bother catching you all up on why I've been MIA the last couple weeks. Let's just say I was a very busy boy. Lots of work, lots of school work, I'm playing in a fall softball league, tons of shows, good music in the mail ... Oh, wow, did I just catch you guys up? Look at that. Oh, I forgot that I've been in mourning over the Red Sox, too. Plus, baseball playoffs are my favorite time of the year, Sox or not.

By the way, did any of you see this story from our paper last week? Is there a funnier vision than a guy dressed as a ninja claiming he wants to beat up Senator Lieberman? I don't believe so. No, I don't. The guy took my Halloween costume. I've always wanted to be a robot ninja programmed to end Joe Lieberman. Damn dude ruined everything.

That's all I got for now, but speaking of Halloween, let me leave you with a scene from my favorite horror movie of all time, 1981's "Student Bodies." We'll talk tomorrow. I promise with all my heart.