Monday, September 21, 2009

Just A Bit Weird

I just saw the oddest shirt ever. It said, "I wish I was Kenyan." Um, OK? For marathon purposes?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

At The Ol' Airport

I've never posted using my phone, so forgive me if this is messed up. I'm currently at the gate and just finished eating. UFood is good.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Nine Hours Till Takeoff

As I sit here in the Bay State, silently petrified about the fact that my flight to Kansas City leaves at 6 a.m. from Logan, I can't help but want to talk about the news. So let's do that. But let's not take too long since I need some sleep or I won't be able to walk on to the plane. Someone will have to roll me.

Anyway, if you looked at the front page of today's Register, you saw this story about a Hamden porn store. Now, look, I'm going to be honest with all you folks on the World Wide Web Of Wide Wonders: I'm a 30-year-old heterosexual male who's never really been into porn.

I could count on one hand the amount of "films" I've seen, and I've only gone to one of these stores once: When I was freshman in college I bought someone a, um, "blow-up sheep" for a Secret Santa gift. That's it. That's my experience. And, yeah, I have a sick sense of humor.

With that said, I'm a very liberal guy. If you want to watch porn, have some fun. If you want to build or own a porn store, that's totally cool.

I think it's ridiculous we see so many of these stories about area towns trying to shut down a VIP or whatever. Are people really this lame and hypocritical?

"Oh, all those people who watch porn are sinners." Get a grip, people. If you don't like porn, don't watch it and don't go in the store. I honestly hate folks who want to tell others how to live. I wish I could ban those people from my town. Maybe Attorney General Blumenthal would speak out on my side; he certainly can't let anything go without commenting on it, after all.

As you can see, I could care less about adult stores. Open one up right next to my apartment; I don't care. Yet, I just don't understand these "preview booths." You really need to preview a porn movie? You don't know what's going to be on it?

Let's be clear: These booths are for folks to jack off in. I know that's crude, but why beat around the bush? I'm not a reporter right now; there's no need to be objective. Let's call these things jack-off booths for the rest of this entry. OK?

So while I'm totally cool with adult stores being everywhere, can't we make sure people masturbate in the comfort of their own homes? Is there any reason to have these jack-off booths in a store? It sounds so utterly disgusting. If you paid me to go in one of these places, I would cover myself in Purell or something equivalent.

I've seen "The Squid and the Whale." It wasn't OK for that little kid to whack off in school. You can't go in to Urban Outfitters and whack off. So why is it OK to have these jack-off booths? Or, better yet, why is it OK for this store to have four but not nine or whatever? Are there going to be lines now? Lines to jerk off?

These are the questions we need to ask ourselves. I just don't understand it all. Why is this OK?

And again, I'm the most liberal guy in the world. Yet can someone explain this to me? On the store's Web site, it quotes the First Amendment. I teach a class in the First Amendment, and I've never told the young ones that the Founding Fathers said it was OK to jack off wherever they want. And don't let Adult Video Liquidators fool you: If they didn't know these "preview booths" were really jack-off booths, the Web site wouldn't advertise that these booths were "clean."

Look, let's leave it at this: It's totally cool to masturbate. I'm sure the Founding Fathers did it. Just don't do it in public, OK? And let's not make it OK for others to sit in the back of a store with their pants around their ankles. Deal?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Two Biggies Returning

Well, it's been reported in a billion places and I still can't really believe it, but one of my favorite bands in the whole wide world, Pavement, is reuniting. I just can't figure it out, though.

I've interviewed singer Stephen Malkmus numerous times, and he's just never given off the impression that this was very possible, especially under these circumstances. He's always said they could do it as a one off thing, just for fun. But according to all press releases and interviews, Pavement will reunite next September for a world tour. And that's it. No more shows. No records. No nothing. Just a world tour. The only way to interpret that is the band is trying to make some cash. I mean, a show happening more than a year from now and tickets go on sale tomorrow? Really?

Look, I'm OK with buying tickets tomorrow. I don't even know if I have to, being press and all, but I feel like if I get comped next year, I could easily get rid of these seats, but ... It's just weird.

With all that said, I'm pretty damn excited. Pavement is a top-five band for me. I've seen them live about three times, and I've seen Malkmus solo five or six times too. I've never been disappointed. This is good news.

What's also good news is that in about a month, The Flaming Lips will return. The band releases its new record soon, and I can't wait for that one to magically show up on my desk. Can't wait. I love the Lips. Love them. Although, the last album disappointed me a bit. Poop. The good news is that the guys played on "The Colbert Report" last night, here's the tune.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Flaming Lips - Convinced of the Hex
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorHealth Care Protests

That's two pieces of really great news. Don't you think? Two of my most favorite bands in the whole wide world returning to prominence? I'm such a happy little boy. What else could go right for me? Well, how about "Survivor" premiering tonight? You all should know it's the only television show that I actively enjoy watching when it's, you know, actually on and not in reruns. Fun fun. I guess that's all I got today. But I'll leave you with my new favorite comment the dolts on our comments pages left. These people scare me. I hope they don't have children. Anyway, here's my favorite:

"its obvious some project annie was working on and her treatment of those poor animals led him to this heinous act..if someone tortured abused your children, you can't tell me you wouldnt lash out at the person inflicting the pain suffereing up on your own children. the mice / rodents were like his kids...seeing them mutated with radiation and having their eyes plucked out would take its toll on anyone"

I love people. And I love you all. Let's do this again tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

And The Beat Goes On

Oh, man, what hasn't happened in the last two weeks since I went missing? The Red Sox have gone on a tear, I got donuts in the mail, Labor Day has come and gone, a little show called "Melrose Place" premiered, Jay Leno began hosting NBC's Death Blow and, oh, something happened at Yale.

I mean, there are plenty of things to write about, but to be honest, there's a few reasons why I haven't blogged in a bit.

Oh, sure, I've been busy as usual, but school also started, and that takes up a whole lot of my time. Plus, I've been trying to get ready for my vacation next week. Usually when I go on vacation, I'm around and pop in to the office every so often. I don't have to get everything done beforehand when I do it that way.

But beginning Sunday, I'll be in Kansas City and Dallas, so there won't be any popping in to the office next week. I've been trying to get everything done so I don't have to think about work. I will blog though. Don't worry. Most importantly, I just need more sleep. My Mid-September Resolution is to sleep more.

But let's talk about the biggest story in the land. Or, sort of talk about it. We all know what's going on with the Yale murder. It's being covered everywhere. What I want to discuss though is another thing that's really troubling about the whole ordeal. Reading the comments on the bottom of our stories really scares me. I'm being very serious.

The amount of amateur sleuths living among us is frightening. Don't people have more to do than peppering a comments board with silly conspiracy theories right out of the Junior CSI handbook? Let's look at a couple of my favorite posts:

I don't know what some post by "Doug" said because our Webmaster probably killed it, thankfully, but here's a response:

"The thing about Doug Nannally is that right now he's probably in front of his computer with his pants at his ankles enjoying his only way to feel powerful in life in any way. he loves our hate because it validates his Enjoy yourself Doug, but you do realize you are a racist Psychopath."

Um, OK? How about this? From someone, I assume, that idolizes Columbo:

"If Annie was strangled I would rule out the GF I have heard ( through other cases ) that strangulation is not and easy task. It takes time and strength .
I wonder if this PIO had scratches on his hand also? You would think that the victim would have been tearing at what ever was around her neck ( hands , other device )."

How about this one, who's clearly a psychic:

"I don't think that Annie was having an affair. not in the slightest bit. i have cut Annie's hair along with one of my co-workers. she was a lovely girl and very sweet. Clark deserves to be in jail. if he has all those scratch marks and bruises then Annie tried to put up a hell of a fight. and i don't know how the Police Department can release him. they should have held him until the DNA report came back."

Why am I writing about this stuff? I just wonder what it means about our society, and, to be honest, journalism in general. I don't know the answer. I mean, almost every newspaper, Web site, etc., now allow comments, which give readers a chance to mention potentially useful info, actually comment on the article and, mostly, spout nonsense and unintelligently criticize the author or police or whatever.

Is that a good thing? Is it a bad thing? It's probably a mixture a both, although I wonder about people who have the time and drive to write the posts above. Why waste your time? I don't know.

I guess that's all I've got for now. I promise now that I'm basically caught up, I promise the blogging thing will be back to being a frequent thing. Deal? Fun. Yippee Skippy. I think I'm going to watch my DVD of "The Stepfather" that showed up on my desk today. I love that movie.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Silly Craigslist

So have you guys seen this story? I mean, I'm sure this stuff goes on more times than you can shake a stick at, but it's still funny, especially because of the "Erector set" line. That's just the perfect amount of randomness for me.

The piece made me think of an e-mail forward I got a couple years ago. I wish I still had it to post here. But, alas, not so much. The gist of it was this guy in New York who wanted to rent the second bedroom of his apartment for basically nothing. The only catch was that he wanted the renter to be a hot female who would walk around in their underwear.

This all got me thinking: Don't you wish we could see every e-mail response to ridiculous Craigslist posts like these? I mean, in the Register story above, the prankster relays some the messages he got, but we don't actually see them. I decided to solve this problem myself.

Here we go: I decided to write my own dumb ad. I will publish the results right here.

This is the stupidity that I just gave to the World Wide Web:
In these hard times, money is tight. That's why I have a good idea that can help both of us. In my two bedroom apartment, I have a very large closet. You can fit an entire bed in it. You could also get a dresser in there. I will rent this out for $50 a month, utilities included. I will use the $50 to pay my gym membership, which helps me stay strong and fit for the ladies.

I have an open second bedroom, but that's where I keep my pet gerbils and parrots. They play together. It would be wrong to put someone else in there.

Anyway, you would have access to the entire apartment (kitchen, study, gerbil and parrot room, den) except the kitchen sink. That's private.

About me: I'm a 30-year-old professional male. I work about 55 hours a week, so I'm usually not home. I'm clean. I'd be a good roommate. We'd get along.

Shoot me and the gerbils and parrots an e-mail if you're interested.

Here's a link to the posting.

Let the fun begin.