I used to give women the benefit of the doubt. I've always been under the impression that women were just naturally smarter than us men. I'm starting to reconsider.
No doubt you're wondering what brought on this sudden change of heart. Well, no doubt I'm going to tell you.
For the last few years, let's just say 2002-2008, about 97 percent of the people I saw wearing Bluetooths were men. Now, we all know that anyone who wears a Bluetooth or a Live Strong bracelet is an, um, what's that word I'm looking for that ends in bag? You know what I mean. This is just common knowledge.
Bluetooths are dumb. They look stupid. They make you look like a moron. I immediately know you and me just wouldn't get along. I mean, OK, there's an exception for using one in a car, but barely.
Come on. Cellphones are small. You can't hold it in your hand? You seriously need that other hand? You seriously feel the need to talk without a phone and make people think you're batcrap nuts? Is this something you feel deep inside you?
And this brings me to my new point: I always thought women were better than this. But over the last few weeks, and especially this weekend, I saw more women wearing Bluetooths than ever. Is this a sign of the apocalypse? Is this proof that maybe women aren't smarter than men?
I don't know the answers to all these most important questions. What I do know is that anyone who uses a Bluetooth might want to reconsider. We're all laughing at you. Everyone in the room sees you and basically thinks you're an ass right away. It's the truth. Sorry to break it to you.
I once had to explain this to an uncle of mine, but I just thought it was because he was a guy. I wish I didn't give women such a benefit the doubt. I feel had. Maybe hair was just always covering up that stupid little thing on their ear?