Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Battle Of The Sexes

I used to give women the benefit of the doubt. I've always been under the impression that women were just naturally smarter than us men. I'm starting to reconsider.

No doubt you're wondering what brought on this sudden change of heart. Well, no doubt I'm going to tell you.

For the last few years, let's just say 2002-2008, about 97 percent of the people I saw wearing Bluetooths were men. Now, we all know that anyone who wears a Bluetooth or a Live Strong bracelet is an, um, what's that word I'm looking for that ends in bag? You know what I mean. This is just common knowledge.

Bluetooths are dumb. They look stupid. They make you look like a moron. I immediately know you and me just wouldn't get along. I mean, OK, there's an exception for using one in a car, but barely.

Come on. Cellphones are small. You can't hold it in your hand? You seriously need that other hand? You seriously feel the need to talk without a phone and make people think you're batcrap nuts? Is this something you feel deep inside you?

And this brings me to my new point: I always thought women were better than this. But over the last few weeks, and especially this weekend, I saw more women wearing Bluetooths than ever. Is this a sign of the apocalypse? Is this proof that maybe women aren't smarter than men?

I don't know the answers to all these most important questions. What I do know is that anyone who uses a Bluetooth might want to reconsider. We're all laughing at you. Everyone in the room sees you and basically thinks you're an ass right away. It's the truth. Sorry to break it to you.

I once had to explain this to an uncle of mine, but I just thought it was because he was a guy. I wish I didn't give women such a benefit the doubt. I feel had. Maybe hair was just always covering up that stupid little thing on their ear?


Anonymous said...

My 80 year old Mom recently said to me, "There's an AWFUL lot of people wearing BIG hearing aids these days."

God love her, she was talking about Bluetooths.

What weirds me out is when you're walking next to someone and don't SEE the BT, then they just start talking. You never know...Are they talking to ME?

Anyway - yep, they are as annoying as you state.

Anonymous said...

Anyone who has the laughable notion that women are smarter than men is either: a.) a woman; b.) a liberal guy or c.) a guy trying to get some play.

Here it is: Men invent, engineer, build and design EVERYTHING. Any cutting-edge technology comes from the inventive minds of men, not women. We just take it for granted, but think about it: every road you drive on, every car you drive, every plane in which you fly, every building in which you work was designed and built by men.

Case closed.

Anonymous said...

Yes, grudgingly we'll admit that even you, fearless blog leader, are entitled to a vacation.

But are we really going to have to wait several weeks for a new post?

I mean - you wouldn't do that to us, would you?

Anonymous said...

So this is how it's going to be, huh? You're going to leave us out here dangling, left to our own devices.

Hey, I'm not one to make idle threats, but I swear...if we don't get a new blog post soon, I'll...I'll...I'll go out and watch that wedding entrance video to the Chris Brown song! I SWEAR I WILL!....

It's VERY lonely out here...