Wednesday, January 13, 2010

'Avatar,' Really?

Most science-fiction is polarizing. There are some people that worship at the alter of George Lucas. He could animate a piece of poo, give it a sword and make it fight goobly-goblins and there'd be a legion of fans who loved, loved, loved the movie. (I might actually like that film.)

I understand this. But I still can't believe the legion of people who simply loved James Cameron's "Avatar."

I will never get those three hours of my life back. I could have slept. I could have watched TV. I could have run. I could have listened to music. I could have drank beer. I could have hung out with friends. I could have done a whole lot. But I didn't.

Two Saturdays ago, I watched "Avatar" and was completely disappointed.

Clearly, I'm not a sci-fi fan, and that obviously contributes to my disdain for the film. But that doesn't mean I can't appreciate a good movie when I see it. Cameron's own "Aliens" and "The Abyss"? Those are great sci-fi films. "Avatar" is an overly long piece of crap that looks really cool, but has a storyline that only the dumbest humans would find meaningful.

It's practically a fable for morons. I've never seen a movie that attempts to beat its audience over the head — repeatedly — with its "message." We get it. The dialogue is so laugh-out-loud worthy, I actually did howl in the theater a couple times.

Yet when you try to have a rational discussion with a fan of the movie, they find it simply amazing that that you don't like it. Now, I admit that some of the people I know who liked it simply have absolutely no taste in the arts. That makes sense. If you like Staind or something, you and I are never going to be on the same page artistically. That's OK.

But what about the Hollywood Foreign Press Association? I know that if I threw a huge party and boozed up the foreign film critics, my old Weekend videos could have received a Golden Globe, but, seriously, "Avatar" as a best-picture candidate? Even in a down year for film, this is simply unconscionable. I guess those buffoons did nominate "Nine" for five awards and then had the audacity to claim all American critics are dumb and that the film would be seen as a "classic" in a few years, so ...

Why am I going on about "Avatar" today? Well, besides yesterday's story about the Vatican's reaction to the movie, or the one that says the frivolous flick might be racist, I got sent this story.

You want to see my favorite couple graphs? Here you go:

On the fan forum site "Avatar Forums," a topic thread entitled "Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible," has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie.

"I wasn't depressed myself. In fact the movie made me happy ," Baghdassarian said. "But I can understand why it made people depressed. The movie was so beautiful and it showed something we don't have here on Earth. I think people saw we could be living in a completely different world and that caused them to be depressed."

Um, really? Those couple hundred words make me fear for the human race. I saw "Avatar." I paid attention. I don't want to live on Pandora. I mean, for God's sake, if anything, it's a world that condones bestiality. I don't about you, but I don't want to have sex with flying dragons and then also jump in the sack with those blue cat people, too. Sorry dude.

Seriously, though, can we all admit that the movie was cool to look at and bad as a film? Please, please, please?

And can we all admit that while, yes, Cameron was trying to deliver a message about the environment and peace, he did it in a way that a friggin' squirrel could have figured out?

Nothing subtle. Nothing intelligent.

I'm still sore from the hammer beating me over the head with the stupid point.

Where's my animated poo?


Anonymous said...

I really don't need to weigh in, but I will.

You speak the truth.
In fact, truer words were never spoken.

This was a dumb movie that looked good. I missed a perfectly good basketball game in order to sit through it. That made me mad. In fact, the idea of this movie made me mad. If you are going to spend $230 million on a movie, at least make a good movie. Not a dumb movie. In fact, Mr. Cameron, make another Terminator for all I care.

In fact, he does not care.
Because, they are already greenlighting Avatar 2.
I wonder what color the aliens will be in this one.
I'm hoping for chartreuse.
Mostly because I don't know what that color looks like.

rockygirlrx said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I thought the movie was stupid and I was extremely disappointed. I don't even think Cameron cared that much about the message. I think the story just served as a way for him to show off all the special effects. I don't plan on seeing that one again. And I like sci-fi (or as in the network Syfy since we are trying to fool people into watching the same network they were too cool to watch when it was called SciFi)

sj said...

haven't seen it. no desire. don't get it. and anyone that gets so into a movie they have to discuss their emotions on an online forum, frankly, alarms me.

i thoroughly enjoyed "sherlock holmes," however, and I'm looking forward to Iron Man 2, though the trailer was somewhat disappointing.

but this is, in part, due to the fact that i have a ridiculous celebricrush on Robert Downey, Jr.

but i really, really want to go see "up in the air."

Anonymous said...

Go, SJ.
It is arguably one of the two best movies of last year. And yes, it is better than the book (I seldom seldom say that).