Tuesday, September 16, 2008

So It Seems ...

... That Billboard has named Chubby Checker's "The Twist" as the top single in the Billboard era. Now, honestly, this isn't very surprising. The tune came out in a time when singles dominated the marketplace and folks immediately ran to stores when they heard catchy little ditties on the ol' radio, played by some DJ named the Wolfman or Johnny Knuckles or Leroy Campground.

So why is this even news to me, since I probably would have guessed "The Twist" if this was a question at Anna Liffey's trivia or something? Well, if you keep reading the story, you'll find out what the No. 2 song seems to be.

When I read it, I cried. Then I said a long and detailed prayer to each of the many folks people believe to be a god. You know, Jesus and Zeus and such. Anyway, No. 2? Well that'd be Santana's "Smooth," which, of course, features everyone's favorite metrosexual Rob Thomas.

Yep, I just vomited in my mouth a bit.

"Smooth"? Really? Something has got to be wrong with the world. Now, Billboard figured this all out using statistics, so no real subjectivity is involved. This means I can't call everyone at the company idiots or something. It means I have to call all the people in America who bought this record or played the song on the radio idiots. Everyone's an idiot.

I hate, hate, hate "Smooth." It used to get played on the old jukebox at Jack's Bar and Grill 15 times a night and, each time, I'd sob a little into my Budweiser.

Anyway, that's all I got on this, but I'm sad.

In other news, if each and every one of you doesn't come to Toad's Place tonight, you'd be making a huge mistake, quite possibly the biggest mistake you'll ever make in your life, the mistake you'll look back on when you're 80 and sitting on a rocking chair going over all the important decisions in your life.

That's right, folks, the best live band ever, Roger Clyne and the Peacemaker (that's them above), will take the stage at around 9 tonight. At about the same time, my heart rate will increase, a big smile will form on my face and I'll take a sweet sip of beer and relax. Good times. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Do not miss these guys; they are so good live.

And that's all I got today. Oh, yeah, my softball team won the championship last night. I'm a happy little boy. You can read all about it come Friday in that section of the paper we call Weekend.


sj said...

i'm dying of a sinus/ear infection. okay. maybe not dying. but it feels like it.

so i'm really sad to say that i won't be attending either concert. instead, i'll be curled up under blankets in a zicam-induced coma ... (though seriously. that is seriously nasty stuff. i would almost rather be sick.)

if all of the liquid in my head wasn't already coming out of my nose and/or blocking my ears, i'd cry a little.

but really, you should check out Natalie Walker - you know. if you like that kind of music (read: haunting, ethereal female vocals).

Anonymous said...

It's SO weird when you're riding a softball high - it's all sobbing and smiling and beer.

OK, OK - so that's not much different than usual, except the posts are more uplifting and not thinly veiled suicide notes filled with diatribes against jam bands and John Mayer.

Well, anyway - congrats! Glad you emerged victorious. We look forward to the parade through downtown where the faithful fans will throw tacos, teeny tiny beers and Okkervill CDs. Sure, a strange parade, but at least you'll get it.

I hope you get to wear a crown or something. Just not that orange shirt. PLEASE.

Caldor said...

I still have fond memories of the time we saw Roger Clyne at some church/youth center place in either New Bedford or Fall River, MA and the event was BYOB. That was probably like 7 years ago because it coincided with the release of Sonoran Hope and Madness. Something incredibly amazing about entering a venue to see a great live band and everyone is caring brown bags full of their liquor of choice.


Pat Ferrucci said...

I think that was Fall River. And remember how all the chairs were old church pews? When we got there we noticed everyone was bringing in booze, so we had to leave and go to the liquor store. That was a great show, and, yeah, it was like six years ago.

Last night was great, too, except they were opening for Cowboy Mouth and only played for about an hour.