Okie-dokie, here are my picks for Championship Sunday. As you probably noticed, I didn't do so well last week. I'm not over-thinking anything this week. I don't think either of the underdogs can win, although Little Nicholas feels otherwise. So, of course, I brought him in for another week of fearless predictions. Here we go:
Chargers at Patriots
Little Nicholas' take: Not sure where to even start with this game. Well first let me start by noting the only thing I am sure of about this game. I will NOT be watching in HD. There is just no way I can stomach four hours of Norv’s face in clear, beautiful HD. Actually screw digital, I will be very happy with the analog signal today. Now back to the game. As my brother would tell you, I have been on the Chargers for the last four years, thinking that they were the best team in the NFL. Last year, they pooped their pants, instead of beating the Patriots. I still sit up at night wondering why they just stopped running the ball in the second half. The one time “MartyBall” would have worked, they go against it. This year, the Chargers started off very poorly and the Pats were incredible. Since week 10, however, the Chargers seem to get better every week and the Pats have come back to the pack a little bit. I am probably crazy, but I am going with the San Diego in a close one. I am partial to the history of San Diego, which as everyone knows, was discovered by the Germans in 1904. They named it San Diego, which, of course, in German means "whale's butt."
Little Nicholas' Pick: Chargers 28-24
Pat's take: I hate the Chargers. They're just a bunch of whiney little poopheads, doing little dances, yelling at each other over everything from a bad route to a missed tackle to stolen pudding. Let's be serious, unless you're from San Diego like my friend Shiloh, you can't root for the Chargers, even if the Pats are also unlikable. The team with the best quarterback and best coach usually wins in the playoffs. Bill Belichick could outcoach Norv Turner while on the toilet, and Tom Brady could be working on making more out-of-wedlock children from the pocket and still be better than Philip Rivers. So with all this said, the Pats will win. I will smile. The world will exhale and the march toward history will continue. It's the truth. It's not my fault for writing it. I mean, really, did you see when Brady hid the ball during the Statue of Liberty play last week? He's perfect. More perfect than me. Oh wait. The Chargers could win if they fly that woman who got a restraining order against Randy Moss to the game. Then Randy couldn't be there. That could help.
Pat's Pick: Patriots 31-17
Giants at Packers
Little Nicholas' take: If I played for Green Bay, I would probably be upset. I mean, all the credit for getting to this game goes to Favre. And, of course, all the blame if they lose will fall to everyone else on the team. Brett’s just trying to make plays. So what if he is throwing into triple coverage, make the play! I like the way the Giants have been playing and I think Seattle was a bit overrated to begin with. It's tough to pick Eli in a big game, but I have inside info that Peyton spooned him all night last night and now he is ready to go. OK, so Chris Berman just said the “frozen tundra of Lambeau Field” for the 57th time this morning already.
Little Nicholas' Pick: Giants 21-17.
Pat's take: So poor Eli Manning. He told Big Peyton to stay home because the Colts quarterback is bad luck. Then, for God's sake, a Wisconsin television station removed "Seinfeld" from the air just to mess with Eli's head. According to a Giants press release, Eli said, "I cried myself to sleep last night. I wanted to watch Little Jerry. I heard the episode they took off the air was the one about the Today's Sponge. It's always been my dream for Elaine to deem me sponge-worthy. I'm so sad. Brett's going to have fun today, throw the ball around like a little boy. I'm going to cry, wondering if I'm sponge-worthy." Yep, that press release got faxed to us. I stole it from the fax machine before Dave Soloman could get to it. Anyway, Eli's too sad to win this game. Way too sad. I mean, just look at the picture at the top of this entry. Could this man really appear in a Super Bowl? Of course not.
Pat's Pick: Packers 28-20
Chargers at Patriots
Little Nicholas' take: Not sure where to even start with this game. Well first let me start by noting the only thing I am sure of about this game. I will NOT be watching in HD. There is just no way I can stomach four hours of Norv’s face in clear, beautiful HD. Actually screw digital, I will be very happy with the analog signal today. Now back to the game. As my brother would tell you, I have been on the Chargers for the last four years, thinking that they were the best team in the NFL. Last year, they pooped their pants, instead of beating the Patriots. I still sit up at night wondering why they just stopped running the ball in the second half. The one time “MartyBall” would have worked, they go against it. This year, the Chargers started off very poorly and the Pats were incredible. Since week 10, however, the Chargers seem to get better every week and the Pats have come back to the pack a little bit. I am probably crazy, but I am going with the San Diego in a close one. I am partial to the history of San Diego, which as everyone knows, was discovered by the Germans in 1904. They named it San Diego, which, of course, in German means "whale's butt."
Little Nicholas' Pick: Chargers 28-24
Pat's take: I hate the Chargers. They're just a bunch of whiney little poopheads, doing little dances, yelling at each other over everything from a bad route to a missed tackle to stolen pudding. Let's be serious, unless you're from San Diego like my friend Shiloh, you can't root for the Chargers, even if the Pats are also unlikable. The team with the best quarterback and best coach usually wins in the playoffs. Bill Belichick could outcoach Norv Turner while on the toilet, and Tom Brady could be working on making more out-of-wedlock children from the pocket and still be better than Philip Rivers. So with all this said, the Pats will win. I will smile. The world will exhale and the march toward history will continue. It's the truth. It's not my fault for writing it. I mean, really, did you see when Brady hid the ball during the Statue of Liberty play last week? He's perfect. More perfect than me. Oh wait. The Chargers could win if they fly that woman who got a restraining order against Randy Moss to the game. Then Randy couldn't be there. That could help.
Pat's Pick: Patriots 31-17
Giants at Packers
Little Nicholas' take: If I played for Green Bay, I would probably be upset. I mean, all the credit for getting to this game goes to Favre. And, of course, all the blame if they lose will fall to everyone else on the team. Brett’s just trying to make plays. So what if he is throwing into triple coverage, make the play! I like the way the Giants have been playing and I think Seattle was a bit overrated to begin with. It's tough to pick Eli in a big game, but I have inside info that Peyton spooned him all night last night and now he is ready to go. OK, so Chris Berman just said the “frozen tundra of Lambeau Field” for the 57th time this morning already.
Little Nicholas' Pick: Giants 21-17.
Pat's take: So poor Eli Manning. He told Big Peyton to stay home because the Colts quarterback is bad luck. Then, for God's sake, a Wisconsin television station removed "Seinfeld" from the air just to mess with Eli's head. According to a Giants press release, Eli said, "I cried myself to sleep last night. I wanted to watch Little Jerry. I heard the episode they took off the air was the one about the Today's Sponge. It's always been my dream for Elaine to deem me sponge-worthy. I'm so sad. Brett's going to have fun today, throw the ball around like a little boy. I'm going to cry, wondering if I'm sponge-worthy." Yep, that press release got faxed to us. I stole it from the fax machine before Dave Soloman could get to it. Anyway, Eli's too sad to win this game. Way too sad. I mean, just look at the picture at the top of this entry. Could this man really appear in a Super Bowl? Of course not.
Pat's Pick: Packers 28-20
6 comments:
I believe you will go 2-0 this weekend. San Diego won't top the Pats. And as much as I'd like to see the Giants win (if only to watch the masses around here tear into each other in the late winter version of "Yankees vs. Sox"), I think Green Bay will take the second game of the double header.
Well, I guess we're going to have some fun Boston vs. New York stuff after all. There really isn't going to be better entertainment than listening to the FAN for the next few weeks. Sometimes it's good to be wrong.
-p
Too true, my friend.
But I daresay one not even turn on one's radio for such sporting stimulation. As evidence, I offer this heady exchange that I overhead today while in line at Bob's (I was picking up new sneakers, however irrelevant that is).
Two sports afficiandos were purchasing championship caps - one had the Pats, the other the Giants. The Pats fan, ever the intellect, was growing increasingly heated with the Giants fan.
Pats Fan: "Only a f__got p___y like Eli Manning would wear a hat like that."
Giants Fan: "Hey, you better watch out. Your hat might get the cashier in the next line pregnant."
I swear.
You can't make Mensa society material like that up.
If that's the level of repartee that we're in for over the next two weeks, then I say Sports Center beware - Mental Midget Gridiron is sure to be a new reality program foisted on us by producers during the writer's strike.
P.S. -
If you could just put the right 1/2of the Ferrucci brothers together, I daresay you'd have a pretty skilled bookie...
Yeah, if Nick could be one person, we would be doing pretty damn good on these picks.
I think you're right about the Boston-New York thing. I didn't have turn the radio on to hear tons of stupid crap today, and we're still a long way from the game. Although, when I did turn the radio on, New York fans sound as stupid as ever. With that said, I'm told the folks calling in to Boston sports radio sound just as dumb.
Is this better than listening to how Brett Favre is basically Jesus? I don't know the answer to that ...
Hey, you deserve 1/2 the credit for the picks. Maybe there's some pattern...like every other prediction, or...
Oh never mind.
I think we have not yet begun to understand the magnitude of the stupidity tsunami to which we are about to be subjected. Keep good notes. They'll provide much needed laughs during the lull between the Bowl and spring training.
Anyway - it's now apparent that Favre is not a REAL god...merely a golden idol laid forth before the uneducated. Now Eli...well, that picture you posted says it all...Greg Marmalarde, chapter president..
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