Post-Oscar Fun

Wasn't that the most boring Oscars ever? I was sitting on my couch, writing my notebook (which will be Tuesday's Register), and I could barely keep my eyes open. I got calls from multiple friends, all saying the same thing: "This is lame."

I'm only going to partly blame it on Ellen. She was not funny, but the segments all stunk, too. The Oscars needs a host who mocks a little bit, one with some bite. Ellen made sterile jokes and stroked the stars' egos. That's why you got to have a movie star hosting the show, one that isn't intimidated by all the actors. I honestly liked David Letterman's year better than last night.

Bob Hope and Johnny Carson both hosted the event almost every year during their heydays. Why, oh why, can't they pay Billy Crystal whatever he wants every year? I even thought Chris Rock was great a couple years back. It made me happy that he mocked Jude Law. Somebody needs to.

To put it succinctly, it was too nice, too sterile. We want to hear funny jokes and see cleavage. That's all people want. At least Rachel Weisz gave us what we want.

If anyone has ever seen the 1981 horror spoof "Student Bodies," you know that "sex kills." For proof, read this. By the way, if you've never seen the movie, find it now. It's only available on VHS, but it's hysterical. "Sometimes, after the accident, Malvert pee red."

If people wonder why Anna Nicole Smith turned into a drug-addled joke, they need only look to her mother.

Somehow, some way, people keep going to see "Ghost Rider," which took in another $20 million last weekend. How can folks, even comic-book geeks, think this movie is even worth $1? I've never laughed as hard the first time I saw a trailer, ever.

Our buddy John Mayer has announced a summer tour. It looks like it will hit the Dodge Music Center July 14 ... that is if he doesn't cancel again to hook up with Jessica Simpson. Honestly, I hope he does, so I don't have to review.

If Hugh Hefner gets married, won't his little reality show be ruined? At least he's picking the right one to bring to the altar.

I didn't realize there was any reason to watch "The Tyra Banks Show." I was wrong.

In the news around here, Cafe Nine hosts Beatnik 2000 No. 353 tonight. Sal Paradise and the rest of Rope headline.

Looks like Roger Waters will play the Dodge Music Center July 13. That's pretty cool.

M. Ward will open the Norah Jones show at the Chevy April 13. I can't wait.

And that's about it on this end. See ya tomorrow.